Short Story
by I Will Abandon Heaven For You
Summary: Just random drabble about Toshiro. I'm really not sure about the rating


ICHIGO & TOSHIRO

Chick On The Floor

"So Ichigo, what do you see?"

"A chick is on the floor."

"Really?"

"Yeah, there really is a chick lying on the floor."

"What does she look like?"

"I dunno. It's dark. All I know is there's a chick on the floor."

"Are you sure?"

"I am absolutely, positively sure there's a chick on the floor."

"How do you know its' a chick then if you can't see it."

"Well..."

"Well what?"

"It kinda has..."

"Has _what_?"

"Boobs."

"..."

"Hullo?"

"..."

"You still there?"

"..."

"Guess I lost connection. Huh, figures. Stupid AT&T. I really need a better phone plan."

RANGEKU & TOSHIRO

A Gift For You

"Hey! Taicho!"

"What Rangeku?"

"Well, I have a present for you!"

"Do I want it?"

"Er...Is that a trick question taicho?"

"Yes Rangeku it is because I do not know what it is so I can neither want it or not want it, correct?"

"Uh...yes?"

"Exactly, now go do something constructive."

"Con-str-uc-tive?"

"I should have known it'd be out of your vocabulary."

"Huh?"

"GO DO YOUR PAPERWORK RANGEKU!"

"But taicho-"

"NO BUTS! GO DO IT! DON'T COME BACK UNTIL IT'S DONE!"

From that day forth whenever Rangeku heard the word 'constructive, she'd run and hide, fearing paperwork...

_Later..._

"Taicho, I'm back!"

"Where's your paperwork?"

"Eh..never mind that taicho!"

"But I do mind Rangeku. I mind A LOT."

"But I didn't get to give-"

"RANGEKU!"

"Yes taicho?"

"You have exactly 15 seconds to get OUT of my office. Once out I am giving you 2 hours to get your paperwork done. Understood?"

"Yes taicho."

_Two hours later..._

"Taicho!"

"What?"

"Do you want your present now?"

"Rangeku..."

"Oh please taicho!"

"..."

"Please?"  
>"..."<p>

"Pretty please?"

"What is it Rangeku?"

"Yay!"

"Nani*-?"

"I knew you'd love it!"

"LOVE IT? I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS!"

"Well taicho it's a-"

***Technical Difficulties***

"Oh really? I've never heard of a-"

***Buzzzzz...***

"Well, I suppose I should thank you Rangeku...GO DO YOUR PAPERWORK!

"Eeeeek!

***What?***

TOSHIRO

Walk Away From The Redneck

"Where the hell am I?" Toshiro asked, looking around at the golden fields of wheat. The wind rustled them, and they made a low whispering noise. "Damn squad 12! They said the hollow was _here_!" He walked along the road, muttering curses at Squad 12, when a old red truck pulled up beside him.

"Ya' lost lil' guy?" The man in the truck said as it slowed down beside Toshiro. Toshiro looked up to glare at the guy.

"No! I know perfectly well where I am!" The guy looked down at him. A blonde girl with long pigtails with red ribbons in her hair popped up from the back of the truck.

"Where would that be hotshot?" She giggled.

"Oh I don't know, on a road, near some cornfields, IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!" he fumed.

"Woah, calm down lil' buddy!" The guy took his hands off the wheel in a mock gesture of surrender. "I was just wondering if you needed a ride somewhere! 'Kay kid?" he reached out to ruffle Toshiro's hair. Toshiro batted his hand away.

"I am NOT a KID!" Toshiro was REALLY close to going bankai and kicking the living shit out of this guy.

"Then what are ya'?" The girl asked, her pigtails bouncing. "An ugly alien?" Toshiro's face heated with rage. Inside his head he repeated the saying _Step AWAY from the redneck. Step away from the redneck. Step away NOW. _Toshiro shook his head.

"So, do ya' need a ride or not?" The girl asked, cocking her head to one side. Toshiro gave her the most charming shark smile he had.

"Sure! Why the f*** not?" The girl laughed and scooted over to let him hop in.

"So where to?" the guy asked. Toshiro thought a moment.

"Anywhere with a phone."

The Soul Society believe that Hitsugaya taicho went on a solo recovery mission to destroy a hollow. They say that he released his shikai shortly before he called to get a portal back. They picked him up in front of a farmhouse frozen inside out. An old red beat-up pick-up was parked in the front lawn, with a red ribbon tied to the spotter on the left side.


End file.
